Missing Being Part of a Couple

Recently I went out to dinner with a friend who was widowed some years ago.  In the ensuing years, she's built a happy, busy, and productive life for herself.  As we pulled into a parking place at the restaurant, a couple in their 50's or 60's walked in front of the car.  They were holding hands and talking and laughing.  My friend and I watched them in silence, mesmerized by how much fun they seemed to be having together.  My friend said it was times like that when she most missed being part of a couple. 

It was a sad moment and a poignant reminder that those good times are missing from our lives.  Have you or someone you know felt this way and what triggered it?

 

Never Too Old

As I've mentioned previously, several years ago I started a new career as a writer.  I had no experience except in academic writing - not related in any way to the light mysteries I read for fun and and the type of entertaining books I wanted to write.

In my beginning stage, I came across a true story (undoubtedly sent my way by the Universe) that convinced me, at my age or any age, to go ahead and follow my dream.  I did and it worked out well.  Having a new chapter to write gets me going every day.

My inspiring heroine is Betty Neels. One day by accident, Betty overheard a woman in her local library complain about the lack of good romance novels. Betty, a retired nurse and a voracious reader with time on her hands, decided to fill the gap. She was fifty-nine years old when she published her first novel. That's remarkable by itself but she went on to complete 134 romance novels, often writing four a year. She wrote until her death at the age of ninety-one in 2001. Her sweet, chaste romances were popular during her lifetime and are still selling.

Betty proved we are never too old to take a chance on something new and make a success of it.  Way to go, Betty!

Older Women and Younger Men?

In my last post, I talked about men dating younger women.  So how about women dating younger men?  I see a real positive in this - particularly considering that women have a longer life span.  How much age difference is practical or possible?  Five years?  Ten years?  A wider age range seems unlikely but I don't know.  What's happening with my fellow over-fifty females?  Have you dated a younger guy or dating one now?  I need input from blog readers - I only know so many women - I'd like to hear experiences of other women.

Older Men and Younger Women?

I've read that older men can and do date women twenty years younger than they are.  As a consequence, women over fifty should be prepared to consider men who are twenty years older, a seventy year-old.  If the woman is seventy, then she's got the ninety-year-old males to choose from.  And the pickings get slimmer!

I'm not sure if this is true.  I know a few couples, close in age, who've developed over-fifty romantic relationships.  In these cases, the men, fairly nice looking, could've gone for younger women.  I wonder if both men and women like the comfort of having grown up in the same times and having similar life experiences.

Do you know any couples who've gotten together after fifty?  Are they near the same age or are men actually going for younger women?

Thin and Rich?

One of my friends said you have to be thin or rich to attract a man in our age group.  Do you believe it's true?  Have you seen evidence that's the way it works?

Where to Meet Single Men?

Where to meet single men?  I've heard this topic discussed at length with lots of suggestions.  The most frequently mentioned to me are online match services, church groups, joining clubs or groups of interest, volunteering, taking classes in technology, attending seminars of interest, summer senior hostel programs, continuing education classes, and foreign language classes.

An obvious advantage of many of these is that while pursuing your own interests, you might meet someone with similar interests which makes sense to me. It's not a contrived meeting that makes anyone feel targeted but puts you in proximity to men with whom you have something in common.  How successful this is, I don't know.  At the very least, you may meet a new girlfriend or two with whom you share interests 

I only know one woman who found a boyfriend/husband through an online match service.  Her friends worried she might end up with a serial killer - her life was never in jeopardy but her pocketbook took a bad hit and she lost considerable financial resources due to his mismanagement.  Be wary if you go that route and hang onto your money.

My least favorite way of meeting guys from my teens until this minute is the infamous set-up.  I hate set-ups!  They have to be the most awkward, uncomfortable social situation out there.  If I can't manage to meet a man on my own, so be it!

How have you and your friends met men?  What advice can you give to other women?  What works and what doesn't?

Commenting as "Anonymous"

If you're new to the blog, I want you to be aware that you can make Comments under the name,  "Anonymous."  I realize that many women don't want to discuss their personal lives and feelings publicly so this allows you to speak your mind in complete privacy.  I hope you start leaving Comments so this becomes a forum that helps women navigate this new chapter in our lives.

 

What You Want in Life

I haven't posted in a couple months.  As happens every year, I got caught up in Christmas preparations and cleaning up before (a waste of time) and afterwards (essential).

Also, I have several publishers interested in a romantic mystery I wrote so I'm dealing with revisions to the manuscript and making a decision about which publisher offers the best opportunity for my future as a writer - problems I'm thrilled to have.  Writing and the prospect of getting published fill my days with work, pleasure, and satisfaction.   

Everyone should have a passion, something that makes you glad to get going in the morning - the feeling of waking up and having something to do that excites you.  Dreading to get out of bed and dreading to face the day is no way to live.

If you don't know your passion, how do you find it?  I recommend reading The Power by Rhonda Byrne.  The book's been around a couple years and many of you already know about it because Oprah's very into the law of attraction philosophy - simply put, positive thoughts attract positive things to your life, negative thoughts attract negative things.  I knew what I wanted so the positive part was easy but letting go of grudges and negative feelings has been an ongoing struggle.

A technique to help you focus on what you really want in your life is making a vision board.  It may sound kind of 4th-gradeish but it works.  Find pictures, words, and images of things that interest you in magazines, print from online, or write thoughts on sticky notes and put them on a piece of paper/poster board.  If you decide something isn't important, take it off.  Experiment until it becomes clear to you what you want.  In the film, The Women, the Meg Ryan character made a vision board when she began putting her life back together.  I'm sure many people have made similar versions of a vision board without ever giving it a name.

I keep my copy of The Power in my writing area.  When I feel discouraged or down, I reach for it and open it to one of many bookmarked pages or read a random passage until I get back on track.   It works for me!

Good luck!